*Tap or press on underlined slangs for translations*
I still remember details of my first day in the United States, like how the cab driver almost cursed me out because I gave him a dollar bill thinking it was a $100 bill, and how people reacted like they had seen a ghost when they first saw me.
“Hi Siri, I have a naijaNigerian party starting at 4pm, what time should I leave home?” Siri responds, “You. should. leave. at. 6pm. if. you. want. to. help. with. set. up. Expect. the. party. to. start. at. 8pm.”
“I’m still going to ask Ezike for money for my wedding dress; he doesn’t need to know I got it for free.” That’s what my former coworker, Shade, said after she won a free Pnina Tornai wedding dress from a bridal boutique. I responded with a full expression of disbelief all over my face. “You have got to be kidding! What do you plan to do with the money since you already have a dress? Save it for your new home?” “New home ko, new mansion ni. Of course it will be my personal spending money,” she said.
Let me tell you about the day I got the eye roll of my life. It was the day of my cousin and his fiance’s traditional wedding; let’s call his fiance Abena. I was staying in the same hotel where Abena was, and I don’t know who sent me and my two left legs to go into the room where she was getting ready.
Last year I turned 30, and went all out with a cocktail-style birthday party. I’d been chatting with my friend about it; let’s call her Anwuli, because why not? Anwuli was so excited to attend.Read More »
One night, I laid on my bed unable to sleep. Somehow, I was really disturbed by wetin no konsine me. I had watched Chimamanda Adichie’s interview with Hillary Clinton where Chimamanda mentioned she was upset at Hillary’s Twitter bio that began with “wife”. Read More »