What If I Can’t Have Kids? Recap on Skinny Girl in Transit (SGIT) S5E2

Let me just dive right into the main gist of this episode – Tiwa and Mide’s marriage counselling! Yo, every couple needs a counselor like this oga. At first, that counselling legit sounded like an interrogation in the courthouse. But oh my, did it reveal so much about Tiwa and Mide. The questions seemed so trivial, I kept telling myself that the scene couldn’t be realistic. I mean, do couples really not talk about if they want to have kids or how many kids they want before they get married?

So it turns out Tiwa and Mide are not in agreement on the number of kids they want; Tiwa wants two, and Mide wants four (like say he go born them, pschew). The counselor asked Mide these questions that so much tosh my heart.

  1. What if after she has two kids, you find out she has a condition and can’t have any more kids?
  2. What if you find out you can’t have any kids? What would you do? Would you leave?

You should see how I was snapping my fingers as he asked these questions. These are real issues. My marriage to Seyi almost did not happen because of the fear that we may have children with a genetic condition. It’s a sensitive and controversial topic that deserves a post of its own (if I decide to).

We knew that we both wanted kids, and were content with either adopting or using assisted reproductive technology. But if neither worked out, we were also content with being married to each other with no kids. I figured, better to have the right partner with no kids and no regrets than to marry someone else just because I could potentially have healthy kids with them. I can’t wait to see how things progress for Tiwa and Mide. I’m on Tiwa’s side on this one sha, Mide had better be ready to push out the extra two kids.

Sometimes, we Africans have an unhealthy desire to have biological kids. Having kids is not a measure of achievement. Having kids is a blessing and a good thing to desire, but be reminded that there is more to life than that. Let’s not drain ourselves emotionally over not having children. Pray about it, and explore other options. Think about all the abandoned kids that do not have a place to call home, and how they so desperately wish for someone to show them love. Dear Africans, adoption is okay, and is commendable.

Here’s my favorite example:
As an international student in college, I was assigned to a host “mom and dad”. This couple I was assigned to are a duo that many Hood College international students will never forget. They do not have any biological children but served as parents to many. They would provide us whatever we needed; my host mom even hooked me up with my first job as an actuarial intern!

Holidays were often spent at their house. They would go all out to create a feast for us and have gifts for all of us under their Christmas tree. Even their extended family knew our names. If this isn’t considered parenting, then I don’t know what is.

The questions remain. What if we find out we can’t have more kids than we already do? Or we can’t have the gender we want? or we can’t have any kids at all? What then happens to the marriage? Personally, the bigger question was – is this the right spouse for me? I believed that things will fall in place if I married the right spouse, and thank God, they did!

I am excited for this marriage counselor’s role in the show. Let all the revelations begin!

P.S. Sorry, I know I did not capture everything that happened in this episode, but this topic is too dear to my heart that I had to devote the entire post to it. There was so much going on that it would have made this post unreasonably long – Tiwa and her dreams, Derin’s attitude that is so stinky her external beauty can’t even hide it, Wosi now being official with the random dude who now has a name – Jago, and mama Tiwa throwing shade on aunty Dupe, talking about “she is not fit to take care of a child because she’s not married”. Lastly, ladies and gentlemen, let us have a moment of silence because my favorite couple, #moshalewa did not have a scene in this episode.

The topic of kids in marriage is such a major and sensitive one. Have I done wrong justice to the topic?

15 thoughts on “What If I Can’t Have Kids? Recap on Skinny Girl in Transit (SGIT) S5E2

  1. Nicely written although you make it sound like its a bad thing for Mide to want more kids than Tiwa…They can can talk about it and come to a reasonable agreement…3 perhaps 🙂 What if he didn’t share his desire/preference and this really bothers him? I agree, talking about available options regarding kids should be a vital component of pre-marital counseling.

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    • Haha absolutely nothing wrong with Mide wanting more kids! Yes, compromise is key, and who knows, Tiwa may be just accept to have four kids and that’s okay too. It’s most important to just have the conversation before hand and be on the same page. Thanks for reading and commenting, my simple Naija fellow ☺️

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  2. Omg! Bisola! This is for real real. Yes, I was mad the counselor for so many reason because that is not a realistic interpretation of counseling and for people, especially Africans who are not open to it, ermmm..yh..he didn’t help.
    Lol, on the other hand, his questions were on point.
    Mehn, please do share about this genetic thing as the spirit leads coz I wanna learn more and prepare better.
    See now eh…you have given me things to think about. Let me go and ask my oga about this whole what if we can’t have children thing so I can hear talk well well.

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    • Lol yea, I hope people understand it’s just a show and that’s not how counseling goes down in real life (I hope)! I will definitely consider sharing more on my story 🙂. I’m so glad you got something out of this. Please ask oga well well o, fingers crossed, he’ll have a good response!

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  3. Definitely a sensitive, but important topic. It was definitely one of my biggest concerns… whether or not I could even get pregnant. It made me feel less marriage-worthy because of it, but then our little blessing finally arrived.

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    • Very important topic indeed. This concern is more common than we think. No one should feel less marriage worthy because they can’t have kids. So happy for you; she is indeed a blessing! Thanks for reading and commenting, Vivian!

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  4. Hello SGIT Fans!!!! Hmmm this season 5 is going to reveal a lot of issues as regards relationships.

    Episode 2 made me realise that Mide and Tiwa were loving up a little too much than talking about important things; the counselling scene showed they never talked about having a specific number of kids, they were not open enough to their counsellor and it made the entire conversation seem awkward.

    In all, I must say it’s best for couples to talk about everything and anything possible while dating especially if it’s a serious relationship and it’s moving towards marriage.

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    • Hi SGIT fan!!
      Well, it was Tiwa and Mide’s first time meeting the counselor and he was asking them such personal questions hence the awkwardness. Hopefully they get more comfortable with him as time progresses. Couldn’t agree with you more; so important for couples to talk about everything! Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  5. Wawouhh Bisola amazing job again I love it. You are completely right compromise and communication are the key for a success marriage….. Girl what I realize nowadays is a lot of Africans do not believe in counseling ( that’s sad) seriously….. you do not only need counseling before marriage you also need it after the marriage and throughout the marriage it really help…….I do agree with Tiwa dohh i am sorry if u want more kids better for you to push them out yourself….. love you girl and keep up the Good word as the Almighty God leads you 😘😘😘😘😘😘

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  6. What a topic! Getting married and having no kids, God Forbid (this is exactly what my mother and many other Africans will say). Me sha, I’ll be happy either way. Our pre-marriage counseling was very lacking but we thank God that this is our current Pastor’s passion so we’ve really benefitted from during marriage counseling. I definitely recommend it a great deal!

    We discussed children before marriage and we were both like “meh, if we do, great, if we don’t, awesome, we’ll be fine” I pass by as the husband was watching this episode and yeah, that scene was so awkward!

    You did great justice to the topic and can’t wait until the next post. I was so excited to get the email notification about a new post 😀

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    • Yaay, excited you were excited haha. I tell you, a marriage with no kids is like an abomination to Africans. Imagine how much pressure that puts on us.
      You and my friend, Bibi have got me wanting a marriage counselor now! As always, thanks for the comment!

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